none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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