Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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