Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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