"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
