I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
