i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Randomize
