I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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