dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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