I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
