why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
