So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
