It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
