I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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