we have officially lost it.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
