Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i need an iv and a liver transplant
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
