Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
it's like heaven, but drunker
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize