how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
It's never too late to be topless.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
