Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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