sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
