my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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