and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
