what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
