One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
