Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
