bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I look better un-naked...
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
