I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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