as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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