I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize