so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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