I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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