This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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