my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
