I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
