I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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