i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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