went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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