My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
