i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
