did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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