Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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