it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize