She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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