I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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