just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Randomize
