smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
