I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
