Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Randomize
