Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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