My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
