Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
