Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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