New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
