a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
