So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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