You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
