1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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