I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
