I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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