So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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