Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
