Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Randomize
