is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
My balls are so social today.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
