he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
