Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
