i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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