considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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