You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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